Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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