what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
