is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
