I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
