im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
