is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i think i have herpe
just one?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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