I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
