he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
