On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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