My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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