i think i have herpe
just one?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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