A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
