you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
