Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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