id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
