I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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