Can Purell be used as lube?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I am naked and annoyed.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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