I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
