i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
