I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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