So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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