Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
