if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
