I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
