Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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