Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
