grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
