i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
