i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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