This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
