if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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