Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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