The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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