Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
