So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
