anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
