My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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