So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
