Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
