if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
