I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
