My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
