i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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