Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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