My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
