we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize