it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
