in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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