But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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