paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
