I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
