im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
