4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
