It's Friday. Sex?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
