Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
