this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
