he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
