I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
