I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I love you. Go after that dick
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
