nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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