im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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