He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
