After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I want to make a zoo with you.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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