I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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