my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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