just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
