elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize