They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
