I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
