don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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