The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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