I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
