Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
