Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
