She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Randomize
