a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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