tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
