FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
