Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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