im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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