At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
its not stalking. its research.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
