just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
