a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
