it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
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