I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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