dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize