He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
