im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
