Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I will pee on everything he values.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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