you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
