Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
