it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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