Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
