I only kidnapped one of them. chill
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
