I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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