Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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