there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
