Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
