Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
