Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
