i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I think a kid would responsible me up
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
