She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize