As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
