He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize