So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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