She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
